Showing posts tagged funny

I remember when I was eight and I was laying in the middle of the living room and my dad asked me what I was doing and I said “setting the world record for doing nothing the longest”. I am my own spirit animal.





do you ever just turn your candy canes into prison shanks like…


Perfect for killing my enemies with a little holiday flair


I literally thought of killing one of my class members while having a candy cane in my hand shaped like that today in school

*in the tune of “jingle bells”*

"Sitting in my cell,
Waiting for my chance to prey,
Got the candy in my hand,
That bitch gon’ die today hAHAHA!
When I get to the yard,
Imma shank that ugly bitch,
And when she starts to bleed to death,
Yo scared ass ain’t gon’ snitch!!!
OH candy-shank, candy-shank,
It’s sharp, it’s fast, it’s free,
And when I stab yo’ ugly ass,
You’ll smell minty when you bleed.”

I’m still working on it but whatever.

So today I worked my last day at McDonald’s & my mom knows how bad I suffered & how much I’ve stressed out because of that job & when my shift was over, she came to pick me up. Once I got into the car she rolled down the window & screamed “SUCK OUR BALLS, MCDONALD’S!!!!” in the most ratchet, most ignorant fashion, in the middle of the parking lot. This is why God created mothers.

I wonder if I’m anyone’s tumblr buddy. Like, if someone checks my tumblr everyday, just to reblog stuff they like….or if they come just to admire my pictures. Or if they just look at my blog overall and say, “wow, she’s so cool.” I just wonder if anyone looks up to me or aspires to be me. I’m not saying you should, but I’m just curious about it, because I do the same thing to other people’s blogs.

Today at work, I shattered a pot of hot coffee & burned both my legs. Luckily, it was just a first degree burn, so there’s essentially nothing wrong with me. Now that my mom knows I’m ok, she keeps saying “regular or decaf?” and starts cracking the fuck up. I can’t get mad at her because she got the doctor to give me a note, so I can skip work tomorrow. I’m gonna be hearing this joke all day.

I’ve been job-searching lately because my mom says that I can’t quit McDonald’s unless I am guaranteed a position somewhere else. I’ve been filling out applications like crazy, & my plan is to leave a hooters application lying around to freak her out. I should videotape this.

I can’t begin to even. I have lost the ability to even. Unable to even.

I can’t begin to even. I have lost the ability to even. Unable to even.

I CAN’T EVEN. this is officially the ratchet song of the day. i should find more of these.