do you ever just turn your candy canes into prison shanks like…


Perfect for killing my enemies with a little holiday flair


I literally thought of killing one of my class members while having a candy cane in my hand shaped like that today in school

*in the tune of “jingle bells”*

"Sitting in my cell,
Waiting for my chance to prey,
Got the candy in my hand,
That bitch gon’ die today hAHAHA!
When I get to the yard,
Imma shank that ugly bitch,
And when she starts to bleed to death,
Yo scared ass ain’t gon’ snitch!!!
OH candy-shank, candy-shank,
It’s sharp, it’s fast, it’s free,
And when I stab yo’ ugly ass,
You’ll smell minty when you bleed.”

I’m still working on it but whatever.

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remember that time it got so hot in some parts of australia the bottoms of people’s thongs were literally melting to the asphalt and people still ask me why I hate summer

For Americans reading this post, a thong is a flip-flop.


Mental image

ohhhhh. i envisioned people’s asscheeks stuck to the pavement

(Source: angryabouttelevision)

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So today I worked my last day at McDonald’s & my mom knows how bad I suffered & how much I’ve stressed out because of that job & when my shift was over, she came to pick me up. Once I got into the car she rolled down the window & screamed “SUCK OUR BALLS, MCDONALD’S!!!!” in the most ratchet, most ignorant fashion, in the middle of the parking lot. This is why God created mothers.

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I wonder if I’m anyone’s tumblr buddy. Like, if someone checks my tumblr everyday, just to reblog stuff they like….or if they come just to admire my pictures. Or if they just look at my blog overall and say, “wow, she’s so cool.” I just wonder if anyone looks up to me or aspires to be me. I’m not saying you should, but I’m just curious about it, because I do the same thing to other people’s blogs.

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Today at work, I shattered a pot of hot coffee & burned both my legs. Luckily, it was just a first degree burn, so there’s essentially nothing wrong with me. Now that my mom knows I’m ok, she keeps saying “regular or decaf?” and starts cracking the fuck up. I can’t get mad at her because she got the doctor to give me a note, so I can skip work tomorrow. I’m gonna be hearing this joke all day.

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I’ve been job-searching lately because my mom says that I can’t quit McDonald’s unless I am guaranteed a position somewhere else. I’ve been filling out applications like crazy, & my plan is to leave a hooters application lying around to freak her out. I should videotape this.

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Good news: i’m going to my senior homecoming niggaaaa!!!

Bad news: how the fuck am i gonna find a dress before Saturday…..mission impossible.

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"are those granny panties?"
“PSH…..no…they’re just….really short shorts. Hi-waist, too.”

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